I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
