I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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