i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
