I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
