So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
