Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
