Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
