I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
