I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
