Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
