she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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