k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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