just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
