So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
