he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
