Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
