dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
