Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Couch. On fire.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
