was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
