Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
