His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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