i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
