First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
