A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
