dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
