WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
