Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
