If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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