I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Randomize
