I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
