my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
