Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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