No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
