Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I would ride that face into the sunset
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
