Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
