Pregnant stripper...not hot.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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