apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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