The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you win again, gameday.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
