Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
