I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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