Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What drink are we having for lunch?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
