susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
