Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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