I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
