OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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