i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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