Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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