Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
