There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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