babies were throwing up all over the place
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
