It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
