I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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