they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
